Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
