I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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