Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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