I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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