Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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