y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?