Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i've created a new STD.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though