It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable