So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.