He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
