he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail