Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
