Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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