I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
