Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I just sharted jello shots
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