i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The air was thick with penises
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
