Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
