Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
