I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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