so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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