where does the pee come out of this thing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
