My balls are so social today.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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