Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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