sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
