it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
