2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
