That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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