No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i think i just lost a toe
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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