you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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