I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
