Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
