hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
