I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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