He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
