Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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