I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
