I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
