i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
