you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
