dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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