Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
