Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize