you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
