I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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