I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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