pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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