You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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