That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
