Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
