I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
