Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
