dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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