i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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