Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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