do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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