FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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