I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
