If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
