he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
