i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
