a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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