Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
