We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
