and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
