do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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