I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
